


Sound of witcher

by UlsPi



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - The Sound of Music Fusion, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Feral Jaskier | Dandelion, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26858449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi
Summary: Jaskier is sent to tutor Geralt's child surprise. What can possibly go wrong? Other than Jaskier being a delight and Geralt being oblivious and Yennefer having way too much fun.Or, the Witcher and Sound of music fusion no one asked for.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 9
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

Jaskier didn't have to wake up early to walk in the hills around Oxenfurt with his lute. Usually it was just another party that ended too late - or too early. 

And Jaskier was too young to care. 

Yet, it came as a surprise when one of his mentors called him into his office. 

"Listen, Julek…"

"Jaskier."

"Listen, Julek…"

"Jaskier."

"Whatever! This is the problem! You argue with everyone and you're our best student. No one knows how you manage that, let alone you… Anyway. Kaer Morhen contacted us. Geralt of Rivia needs some help with his child surprise. She wants to learn music and she needs a… a tutor. It's a great opportunity for you." Jaskier's mentor gave him a very false smile.

"Being a babysitter is a great opportunity for me?" Jaskier was shocked. 

"It's not just a babysitter! It's taking care of a future witcher! It's an honour."

"You just want to get rid of me, right?" 

"Well… a bit? You're too talented for… all of us, to be honest."

"You're all useless bastards!" Jaskier proclaimed. "You don't deserve me! And I'm a delight!"

"Too much of a delight, I'm afraid."

"Alright. You'll regret it!"

"We will. I know we will. But Oxenfurt will remain standing…"

"I never endangered Oxenfurt!"

"Jaskier, you drink and you sing and you fuck and… you're too dangerous. I'm sorry. So, let me just tell you…"

***

Jaskier pondered over what his mentor had told him as the bus was being all heroic, climbing up terrible roads to reach Kaer Morhen.

There was just one witcher living there all year round - Vesemir, the mentor of the three remaining Witchers. One of them, Geralt, managed to get himself a child surprise, who was none other than Cirilla, the Lion Cub of Cintra. Jaskier winced. Cintra had fallen tragically, and the refugees traveled the Continent trying to find a new place to live and work. How princess Cirilla survived was a mystery to everyone. 

She was living in Kaer Morhen now and apparently was a menace to be around. Jaskier loved such kids. He used to be a wild thing and a pain in the arse of every tutor he had ever had. Not to mention his parents, tolerant but not indefinitely. 

The bus stopped. 

Jaskier got off. 

He didn't have many things - just his lute and some very colourful clothes. The keep of Kaer Morhen was staring at him from afar quite unpleasantly.

"A child surprise, a few Witchers… What's so scary about them all?" Jaskier said. The mountains echoed his words, more disbelieving with each wave.

"Well, I'm a delight and everyone loves me!" Jaskier told the mountains, who could only agree. "And I have confidence in… in everything!"

He walked up to the keep's gates and knocked. 

After a while an old man opened the gates and took in Jaskier's tight red jeans and a bordeaux t-shirt. The old man shook his head.

"You must be the viscount Pankratz." 

"Just Jaskier, please. My father is alive and well, thank you." Jaskier entered the keep with his head held high.

Inside the castle seemed… peculiar. The architecture was breathtaking, but the rooms appeared to be abandoned. 

The old man took his leave immediately, so Jaskier felt free to explore, and explore he did. He found a big dusty room full of all sorts of artefacts, quite a few musical instruments among them. Jaskier nodded approvingly.

"You're never to enter any room you're not supposed to enter," said a grumpy voice behind him. Jaskier slowly turned around to face the handsomest name he had ever laid his eyes on, and he laid his eyes on many a handsome man before. The man in question had long white hair, amber eyes, like those of a cat or a serpent, the broadest shoulders and a jaw to open tuna cans with. 

"Why would I be so obedient and obliging?" Jaskier asked, putting his hands on his hips. 

"Because I said so," the man replied, quite confused about such show of disobedience.

"I'm afraid that's not enough. How am I to explain to my charge why she can't enter the room that contains more musical instruments than an orchestra?"

"You'll come up with something. Now, get out."

Jaskier huffed but left the room. 

The man, Geralt apparently, was dressed in black and was too hot for this job. "You'll soon learn that the first rule of this household is discipline." He started pacing the grand hall, all empty and scary. "You're to tutor Cirilla in languages, sciences and nothing else! Dancing and music shouldn't be encouraged. She has to…"

"Stop right there. When does she play? When is she allowed to be a child?" Jaskier didn't approve of his  _ master.  _ Not at all. 

"She's to become a witcher. There's no time for… all this nonsense." 

"And what am I to call you?" 

"You may call me Geralt. That's enough for you." Geralt looked at Jaskier disapprovingly. 

"I may not. I'll call you  _ hey _ . You're rude and unobliging. Where's Cirilla?"

Geralt glared at Jaskier, but called Cirilla. She came running down the stairs and stood in front of Jaskier like a good soldier she was supposed to become. 

"None of that, this is disgusting. Relax," Jaskier said. The girl let out an indeed relaxed breath. Geralt glared at Jaskier again.

"Fuck off. You know nothing of kids, so be gone!" Jaskier commanded. Surprisingly, Geralt just huffed and left. "Now," Jaskier turned to Ciri. 

"You told Geralt to fuck off and he did. I pledge my allegiance to you." 

"Ok, first, mind your language. Yes, I will be hypocritical about it."

Ciri giggled but nodded. 

"Second, your father surprise is such a… not for your ears orifice. But devilishly handsome. Hope you know some men prefer men. And some women prefer women. And some don't care. It's a whole another lesson. Do you have a secret pet?"

Ciri looked around carefully and pulled something out of her pocket. A fat old road, as it turned out.

"Awww, he's precious," Jaskier cooed. "But we'll have to adjust it's diet."

"His name is Eist, like my grandpa. He was obnoxious and absolutely precious."

"That's a good name for a toad. There must be a library. Let's go there and read about toads."

Jaskier and Ciri spent the rest of the day in the library of Kaer Morhen, reading everything they could find about the roads. Eist the toad quacked encouragingly all the way through until the bell rang. 

"Oh, that's dinner," Ciri said. "We're not to be late."

"Really!? We've been reading! Of course we can be late!" Jaskier said. 

So they kept reading. 

Geralt, all furious and righteous, came to fetch them. "There's a bell! When there's a bell you're to be in the great hall!" He said. 

Ciri was about to obey, but Jaskier gently touched her elbow.

"Really? We're just like dogs, aren't we? We have to obey all sorts of peculiar signals? No way, Geralt! We'll come when we're invited properly."

Ciri gaped at him. Geralt grunted.

"Please, would you be so kind to come to dinner?" He asked finally. 

"Oh, we'd love to. Cirilla, my dear, why don't we have some supper?"

Ciri giggled and took Jaskier's hand. "Now, my fair princess, my fierce warrior, shall we go to the great hall?" Jaskier asked. 

"I don't mind if we do." Ciri giggled again.

"You giggle too much, precious child," Jaskier chided. "Laugh out loud. Scandalise everyone around you. Otherwise they'll never listen to you."

Ciri burst out laughing.

"Oh teacher, let us go and eat and feast, why don't we?" She asked.

"Your highness, your will is my command!" Jaskier swore. 

They walked to the grand hall accompanied by Geralt's grunts. 

***

In the grand hall Vesemir was loudly slurping his soup. He tried to cover for his indiscretion with a cough, but Jaskier was having none of it.

"See, princess, Vesemir is very hungry. He's enjoying his food and so shall we." Jaskier took a seat and began slurping his own soup.

"That's not right," Geralt said. 

"Apparently you're not hungry enough to appreciate this splendid soup," Jaskier retorted. 

Ciri was delighted to slurp her potion obnoxiously loudly.

"Princess, now everyone knows you're hungry, and if you're hungry, then your subjects are starving. Let us enjoy it as if we hadn't had a care!" Jaskier took a spoon and began eating in the most polite manner possible. Ciri immediately followed his lead. Vesemir chuckled but continued slurping his soup.

"Loud annoying noises have to be drowned by some food music," Jaskier instructed. "I'm going to humm pleasantly, and you're going to eat."

Jaskier proceeded to humm pleasantly indeed. Ciri fought her laugh heroically. 

"Now, even if I don't humm, you need to concentrate on your soup, and once you're done, demand a jig."

"A jig!" Ciri demanded, having swallowed her last mouthful.

Jaskier bowed and started to humm a jig. 

"I'm going to bring Yennefer with me next time I come," Geralt informed. 

"Oh, Yen! It's great!" Ciri exclaimed.

"Is Yennefer of Vengerberg a guest you'd like to see more often?" Jaskier asked.

"She is!" Ciri replied. 

"Well then, command your father surprise to bring her as soon as he can. The world has to be organised according to your will, princess," Jaskier instructed. 

"Geralt! Be a dear and fetch Yennefer immediately!" Ciri demanded.

"No! I won't! You'll get her when I say you do!" Geralt said.

"Now is the time to command for his execution," Jaskier explained. 

"I'll behead you, stupid witcher!" Ciri said, absolutely delighted.

Geralt was reduced to grunting once again, while Vesemir was fighting very hard to avoid giggling. 

"Cirilla," Geralt warned. 

"Don't  _ Cirilla  _ me, witcher!" The princess said. "Do what I ask and let's be done with it." She looked at Jaskier, seeking approval. He nodded. Geralt rolled his eyes. 

"You're more trouble than it's worth, bard!" Geralt said. 

"I'm worth every trouble!" Ciri retorted. "I'm going to study music and singing, and you're going to bring Yennefer here as soon as you can!" Ciri was quite drunk on the power of her pouts.

"Very, very good pout, your highness!" Jaskier praised. 

Geralt groaned and left the table.

"Oh now we can enjoy the dessert!" Jaskier exclaimed.

"Indeed we can, boy," Vesemir replied. 

Jaskier winked at Ciri and she winked back. They were going to be so happy here!


	2. Chapter 2

Jaskier wasn't particularly fond of thunderstorms. 

Now, the thunderstorms in Kaer Morhen were terrifying. Had Jaskier known someone whose room Jaskier could have invaded, he would have done so. 

He had to be a fearless tutor though. So he was sitting on his bed playing his guitar. 

"I can't stand the noise!" Ciri yelled, entering Jaskier's room. "It's too much."

"Get under the blanket," Jaskier said casually. He was too distracted by everything else going on. 

"I got under the blanket!" Ciri called from under the blanket.

"Think of what pleases you," Jaskier recommended. He kept trying a new tune of his that had all the potential to become a good educational song. 

"What pleases you?" Ciri yelled over the thunder. 

"Hm… Raindrops on roses. And whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles. Warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings… These are a few of my favourite things." Jaskier kept humming. 

"Hm… White wolves that turn out to be just like kittens who fetch you hot soup and give you their mittens. Old eerie castles with some hot water springs. These are a few of my favourite things!" Ciri showed her mischievous head, peeking from under the blanket.

Jaskier laughed. "Alright, cub. Let's go… crazy, ok? Let's dance around and chase the storm away. What say you?"

"When the frost bites, when the snake stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don't feel so bad." Ciri hopped off the bed and stood in front of Jaskier. 

"Ok, grab my sweatshirt and some soft socks and let's go."

Jaskier put on a sweatshirt too. His uggies were pulled out of his bag as well. 

"Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudel, door bells and sleigh bells and udon noodles…" Ciri sang dancing across the table in the dining room.

"Wild wolves that hunt with the snow on their shins, these are a few of my favourite things!" Jaskier continued.

Ciri went on dancing. "Now what?" She asked.

"Ehm… Girls in white nightgowns with fluffy blue stockings…"

"Bards in blue sweatshirts that are totally rocking…"

"Silver white winters that melt into springs…"

"Bring on a few of my allergy things!" Ciri hopped into Jaskier's arms, so he had to abandon his guitar, but they went on dancing around the room. 

"Discipline!" Geralt yelled over the storm.

"Is not one of my favourite things!" Jaskier and Ciri replied together.

"What are you doing here? You were to bring Lady Yennefer!" Ciri complained.

Geralt grunted. 

Jaskier was feeling particularly vengeful, and he had the voice of an angel, so he started humming tarantella and paid no attention to anyone who wasn't Ciri.

Geralt tried to grunt but there was a thunderstorm and Jaskier's singing. 

***

"He has you in his small pocket," Vesemir gloated as Geralt was preparing Roach for a long journey.

"Who does?"

"Oh, don't be daft! The bard! Jaskier!"

Said bard Jaskier could be heard singing something which involved quite a lot of yodeling while serving breakfast. 

"Hmmmm."

"Geralt…"

"Don't."

Vesemir didn't. He was too old to waste his breath.

***

Jaskier and Ciri built a boat. It was in fact an old bath that they sent around the hot springs. Jaskier saw it as an opportunity to wash Ciri's hair and teach her about Archimedes' law. A win win, for sure. 

***

"Where's Ciri?" Yennefer demanded first thing. 

"She has a new tutor," Geralt said. 

***

"Row! You row, Cirilla! You don't give up!" Jaskier encouraged.

Ciri was of course laughing so hard that the bath turned over just as Geralt and Yennefer entered the communal area.

"Fuck! You're home!" Jaskier yelled and went underwater to pull Ciri out. 

"Oh gods, this is adorable!" Yennefer clapped her hands. "I want to join!"

Before anyone could protest - as if anyone could argue with Yennefer of Vengerberg - Yennefer was in the pool laughing and giggling with Jaskier and Ciri. 

Geralt had never been so furious in his life. 

"You all will get out of the water at once!" He commanded.

"Why would we do that?" Jaskier asked. He emerged from the water, all wet, young and blue-eyed. "In fact, since your muscles are here, could you be a dear and hang that swing Ciri and I have made?"

Geralt wanted to argue that he was no one's dear. But no one paid him any mind. 

Geralt didn't know what to do with himself. 

And then…

And then…

And then…

Jaskier the bard climbed out of the pool, all wet clothes, soft smiles and something so indulgent and understanding about him…

"You let my ward behave this way!" Geralt managed.

"I did. We had a marvelous time!" Jaskier lifted his chin defiantly - and softened. "Geralt, she's a child. No matter where she comes from or what she endured. She's a child. She wants love and indulgence and confidence that she'll be loved no matter what."

Geralt agreed wholeheartedly but he'd never admit to it. 

So he left. 

***

And someone save him, by dinner Jaskier was playing the accordeon and swinging like all the mad men across the Continent. No one had any right to have such blue eyes and such… wicked hands.

***

Geralt begrudgingly hung the swings in the training yard. 

Someone help him, he climbed up those swings and drowned in Ciri's laughter.

Jaskier was standing down there and was laughing, more melodious than any instrument. He was so joyous, so happy. 

"You're fucked," Yennefer said smugly. 

"I'm not!" Jaskier replied. While laughing along with Ciri and Geralt. "Ok, I am, but…"

He got lost in the sight of Geralt being so very beautiful and happy.

Yennefer rubbed her hands together like a villain.

"Fuck," said Jaskier and Geralt together. 

***

Jaskier and Ciri had built a whole bloody theatre. Geralt and Yennefer had to watch. Vesemir was present too.

Ciri and Jaskier used the dolls made of pinecones, sticks and… and everything under the sun.

Jaskier's voice was yodeling effortlessly across the whole world, being the only thing Geralt would follow to the end of the world. 

Fuck, indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for being here. Please, leave me a comment.


End file.
